Heroine by Athena13 & Pugmom
by Athena13
Summary: Robin, Patrick, Anna and Noah travel to a medical conference. All hell breaks loose. Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**Heroine**  
By Athena13 & Pugmom (aka The Snarky Mocking Wenches)

Rating: NC17  
Genre: Dramedy  
Summary: Scrubs/ANNOAH: Robin, Patrick and Noah go to a conference, Anna tags along with her daughter. Hilarity ensues, complete with guns and lyrics….  
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, we don't own GH, these characters (some of them we do) or RLS's lyrics. And, sadly, no one is paying us for this. So don't sue, please.

_A/N: This story is nothing more than a mocking bit of fluff, with some angst thrown in for good measure. Some parts may be long. Some parts may be short. Posting may be sporadic. It's all in good fun for us and we hope for you. We've been warned that if you are reading this in the presence of third parties they might think you're nuts and ask what you're laughing about. You won't be able to explain it. Those of you who watch OLTL, especially Jolie fans, you are going really enjoy this (we hope)._

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**Prologue**

"Put the gun down, you don't want to do this." Robin nervously gnawed at her bottom lip, glanced at the man standing next to her and back at the really, big, deadly gun pointed at them.

"We give the orders here. Now, we want to see some tongue!"

"You heard the lady." Patrick grinned down at Robin.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**One**

Even the hallway was plush. It had thick, brown and gold carpeting. The walls papered in thick, gold-flecked material, dotted with dark cherry furniture, mirrors and those flower arrangements you only, thankfully, see in hotels. Patrick was whistling as he dug into his pants to find his key card. His hand came up empty. He stopped in front of his hotel room door and frowned as he pulled out his wallet and searched through it. Nothing. He licked his lips and thought back. He definitely had it when they checked in and dropped their luggage into the hotel room, before he had gone out to meet with an old high school friend for dinner and then drinks where he proved to himself and anyone who might be questioning it that he still had pull with the ladies, though he didn't take up any of the offers. So since he hadn't so much groped with anyone and he had his wallet he clearly hadn't been pick-pocketed.

"I must have dropped it." He shrugged and raised his hand to knock. His father, who for some unfathomable reason he was sharing a room with, would probably be in the room doing old man things to let him in so he didn't have to go back down to the registration desk. Before his knuckles connected with the wood his eyes fell on the "Do Not Disturb" hanger on the doorknob and above it a towel for good measure. Patrick's jaw dropped. The towel was something his father taught him before he went to college – telling him it was the unspoken agreement between him and his college roommates that when one had a girl in the room to go away for a couple of hours. Patrick looked again at the numbers on the door to make sure he had the right room.

_1425. _

Yup, definitely the right room. What the hell? He checked his watch, 10:13pm.

Patrick knocked on the door anyway. No response from within. He knocked again, waited and then began pounding. That's when he heard some muttered curses, something falling on the floor and footsteps. Moments later the door was pulled open a slit and his father's voice emerged.

"What the hell do you want?"

Patrick blinked and tightened his jaw. "What the hell do you think? I'm trying to get into my room."

"I'm busy." Noah leaned his head out of the door. "Don't you know what the white towel means?"

Patrick shook his head to clear it. He'd only had one drink, he couldn't be drunk. "Where the hell did you…."

"Noah, darling, who is it?"

Patrick closed his eyes and struggled to decide if he should laugh or pass out. He opened his eyes again and noticed that Noah's shoulders were bare and only one hand was visible. As if…Patrick pushed on the door before Noah knew what he was about and found his father holding a small hotel towel around his bare waist. His eyes flitted behind him and confirmed that the dulcet, English tones he'd heard were indeed those of Anna Devane, who was herself apparently _en flagrante_ and wrapped in a sheet.

His father. Robin's mother? How did this happen? They seemed to get along well since they'd met a couple of weeks before and were enjoying their conversation during the train ride and taxi to the hotel – indeed they were the only two talking since Robin was still only communicating with him on a need-to basis – but this? Flirting, he groaned inwardly, he had been so focused on trying to incite Robin to some kind of reaction he had missed completely that they had been flirting.

Noah looked at his son, standing there in shock, his eyes glued to Anna and stabbed his finger into Patrick's clothed chest. "Watch your eyes, boy!"

Patrick chuckled and looked at his dad. "Way to go, pops. How about giving me luggage so I can get another room? Hmmmm?" Who was he to ruin what was probably a once in a lifetime for the old guy. Oh god. Patrick closed his eyes. When his father turned around he could see his bare butt cheeks.

"Here! Go celebrate youth." Noah took the bag from Anna and shoved it into his son's chest and slammed the door.

Grumbling to himself, Patrick went back down to the front desk to get another room.


	3. Chapter 3

_Glad you're all laughing. I guess we all need it over the next bunch of weeks. I love Scrubs passion, but a little break can't hurt. Now, we do want to entertain, but there are also little things in this story that you can pick out if you read closely. Last chapter had a reference to a Rick Springfield movie and a reference to a Rick Springfield song. Oh, I got his name wrong - it's Rick "Frickin'" Springfield!_

**Two **

"When the world came knocking. What do you want?" Robin, wearing navy pajama bottoms and a white ribbed tank top, leaned against the door frame of her hotel room. Her eyes landed on the overnight bag Patrick was carrying. "Oh no!" She jumped back and started to close the door.

Patrick shoved his body into the gap before she could get it closed. "Come on, Robin, I have nowhere else to stay. Our parents threw me out." He didn't push the door, not wanting to hurt her, so he stood smooshed between the doorjamb and the door.

Seeing his grimace, Robin sighed and pulled the door open. "You're not staying here. Go get another room." He walked right in. Robin frowned into the hallway, before sighing and closing the door.

"They're all booked with conventions." Patrick put his bag down next to Robin's.

"It's a big city, go to another hotel." Robin crossed her arms and gave him an annoyed look.

"Nothing within walking distance is available. I tried. Come on Robin, it's late and I'm tired and there's a hard day coming for us," he whined and gave her his best puppy dog look.

"Oh yeah, you don't pout." Robin rolled her eyes.

"It's not my fault your mother can't keep her hands off my father. It's the Drake charm." Patrick surveyed the room.

"You are not charming, you're cocky."

"And you find it charming. So, which bed are we sleeping in?" He went and sat down on the queen-sized bed Robin was obviously occupying and bounced up and down and made approving noises.

"Keep annoying me and you'll be sleeping in the lobby."

"It's a little brother's job to annoy his big sister. Although." He ran his eyes up and down her body. "You're more like my tiny sister."

"What are you babbling about?"

"If your mother and my father really hit it off we could be step-siblings. Won't Thanksgiving be fun!" He grinned evilly.

"They are not going to get married! And you're older than me. But you do have being annoying down pat." She walked over and tried to push him. "Now, get off my bed." When he wouldn't budge she put her hands on her hips. "Why are you insisting on torturing me? Why don't you just go home? You have no interest in this conference anyway."

"It's a neurology conference, of course I'm interested. We registered together, remember?"

"You were only going so that we could have sex in a different hotel room, so why don't you go to a bar and find some other woman to sleep with tonight?"

"I'd much rather be here with my sister." Patrick began to unbutton his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting undressed. I sleep naked remember."

"Not tonight you don't! Go into the bathroom to change and find something to wear to sleep."

"Robin, it's not like you haven't seen me naked and enjoyed it. In fact, you once said…"

"I don't care what I once said. Wear something, in your own bed or sleep in the hallway." Robin walked behind him and began to gather up the book she was reading to move to the other bed.

Patrick stood up and put his hand on her shoulder, his expression serious. "I'll take the other bed and I'll find something to wear." He removed his hand and took a step back. He licked his bottom lip. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Robin kept her back to him. "You didn't hurt me. You were free to sleep with whomever you wanted as long as you were honest about my health status. Just as I was free to end it whenever I wanted and for any reason. That's the beauty of no-strings." She busily arranged the blanket and pillows as she spoke.

"You didn't end it for no reason, you did it because you thought I was going to sleep with Carly."

Robin opened her mouth to blurt out that the only reason he hadn't slept with the evil witch was because she showed up, but snapped it shut. She promised she wasn't going to let him bait her. "Point is I ended it." She turned around. "You got what you wanted. It was nice while it lasted and now it's over. Why don't you just move on? Are you that fixated on the fact that I ended it and not you?"

"You ended things in the heat of one of your Carly fits, but I won't hold you to it. You enjoy having sex with me and it's available to you at any time."

"Carly fits?" Robin's voice rose. "You are the most disrespectful, arrogant, ignorant pig!"

"God, can't you just get over it? Whatever happened is the past, you don't have to be her friend, but you have to stop obsessing over her. It's not very attractive or healthy."

"If I'm so unattractive, then why do you want to have sex with me?" She put her hands on her hips.

"That's not…" Patrick broke off and ran his hand through his hair. "You know what, fine. Let's just go to sleep." He stomped away, grabbed his bag and stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Robin blew out a breath and massaged the back of her neck and wondered how the hell she was supposed to sleep with him in less than five feet away? Who's fooling who inside my head, she thought and dropped down onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Three**

"Darn," Noah said when Anna dropped the sheet and he saw that she wasn't actually naked under the sheet like Patrick thought. She was, in fact, wearing jeans and a tank top with the shoulder straps she had dropped down under the sheet.

Anna smirked and eyed his towel, then turned her back so that Noah could get redressed. He gave a disappointed sigh as he grabbed his pajama bottoms and slid back into them.

"I made sure the front desk is not going to be able to find him a room tonight," Anna told him as he walked over to the mini-bar and grabbed a bottle of water. She turned around and raised an eyebrow at his bare torso. "Nice tattoo."

Noah looked at his bicep and chuckled. "I was really drunk when I did that." He walked over to the television and picked out a music channel. "Aren't you worried Robin will find a way out of this?"

"She wants Patrick to stay with her, even if she won't admit it. She won't push it."

"I don't think she's going to thaw in one night. My son was really a jackass to her. I know I'm responsible for that, but she wouldn't listen to me and give him another chance."

"You are not responsible for your son's idiocy, Noah."

"I am, after his mother died…"

"We all have scars, Noah. It's Patrick's responsibility to grow up. Enough of that." Anna held up her hand when Noah went to argue. "Let's talk about what we're going to do the rest of the week to get those two together."

"Maybe we could lead by example?" Noah gave Anna his best heated look.

Anna's stomach flip-flopped, but she kept her cool, gave him a raised eyebrow and settled on her bed with a pad and pen.

Noah smirked and stretched out on his bed. He could tell he was getting to her. Their plan to keep Patrick and Robin in close quarters would cut both ways if he had his way. And he was going to have his way. He didn't bother hiding his blatant arousal from her as he put his arms behind his head. "So, how hard do you think this is going to be?" He licked his lips as he looked over at Anna.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

The next morning Noah and Anna sat together in the hotel restaurant enjoying a breakfast for two and engrossed in a powwow regarding their children. Noah leaned in closer to Anna, passionately making his point.

"They're two souls searching for each other."

"One spirit looking for the other," Anna interjected.

Noah nodded and sighed. "Caught between a hard, hard place and a rock."

"Shhh. Here they come. Quick, grab my boob." Anna flung his arm around her shoulder and Noah smiled widely.

"Hey Sport."

"Dad." Patrick looked at Anna and nodded. "Mom."

Robin hit him. "Shut it," she whispered.

"You look tired, darling," Anna said as she rose up and kissed her daughter on her cheek.

"Didn't sleep well." She shot a glare at Patrick.

"I slept like a baby."

"A big, perverted baby," Robin grumbled under her breath.

Patrick just shrugged and snagged a piece of his father's toast. A scream, from what seemed like the hotel lobby, broke into the clatter of silverware. Anna and Robin looked at each other, concerned. The Drake men continued eating, unaware. Noah, his arm draped back over Anna's shoulder, fed her grapes. More screams ensued – high pitched, excited screams, causing a table full of women wearing matching t-shirts to jump up from their seats and run out of the restaurant. That Patrick and Noah noticed.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Noah asked.

"I'll go take a look."

"I'm coming with you, Mom."

"Hurry back." Noah patted Anna on her butt, smiling.

As the two women opened the door to the restaurant, the screams got louder. 

_"John! Oh my God! We looooovvvveeee yooooouuuuu!" _

"Where's Kate?" 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The door swung shut, muffling the screams. Noah and Patrick shrugged their shoulders and turned back to their table, Patrick eating off of Noah's plate.

"We have a serious problem, Dad. I'm going to need back in the room tonight."

"I don't think that's possible, Son. Just get another room."

"Well that's the problem. There are no other rooms, not in this hotel or any other hotel. There's at least 4 different conferences in the city this week and everything is booked solid. You're going to have to keep it in your pants until we get back to Port Charles."

"Where did you sleep last night?"

"Robin's room, but believe me she wasn't happy about it. I don't know if I'll be able to talk my way in for another night."

"Oh please, of course you can. You're a Drake – we can charm our way into anything. How do you think I got your mother to marry me?"

"Yeah well, Dr. Scorpio seems to be impervious to my charms lately." Patrick looked down and shook his head sighing. "Tell me, what kind of fool am I to just let go? To just let go like that?"

"Well…."

He ran his hands through his hair. "I really screwed up."

"Yeah, you did. But don't walk away. Unless you're looking for a price to pay. Is that your master plan?"

"Huh?"

"Listen. If Robin is someone you care about, fight for her. Don't give up."

The screaming got loud again, and the men turned to see Anna and Robin returning from the lobby, Robin flipping through a pamphlet.

"So what's going on?" Noah held out his hand for Anna and pulled her to him.

"Apparently there's a fan club event for that soap opera, _Too Many Personalities to Live_ being held here this week. One of the stars just walked through the lobby."

"I believe the term you're looking for Mom is soap hunk."

"Yes, he was quite hunky, wasn't he?"

"Mmm hmm." Robin nodded and laughed with her mom.

"You think he's cute?" Patrick asked, his face tinged red.

"Isn't _Too Many Personalities to Live_ the soap opera you used to watch with your mom, Sport?"

Patrick turned to glare at his father.

Robin burst out laughing. "You watched a soap?"

"He ran home after school every day in the 4th grade to watch."

"Hey, I wasn't the only one. 30 million people watched Michael and Mandy get married. It was on the cover of Time Magazine – it was a cultural phenomenon!"

"Michael and Mandy?" Robin exclaimed. "Maybe you'd rather sit in on some of these panels instead of the neurology conference." She flipped through the pamphlet she was holding. "Oh look! At 1pm they have a discussion titled 'Soap Villains: A Retrospective.' That sounds interesting."

A gaggle of women – the group in matching t-shirts – came storming back into the restaurant, chatting excitedly, creating quite a din.

"JOKA!" a large grey haired woman shouted, as though she was Mel Gibson screaming _'Freedom!'_ in "Braveheart."

"JOKA!" the women screamed in reply.

"Joker? What the hell-"

A pretty blonde walking by their table stopped by Patrick to explain. "It's Joka. You know, short for John and Kate? The Supercouple on _Too Many Personalities to Live_? Even though those idiots in charge have kept them apart for the last two years, us true believers keep the faith they'll find a way back to each other again. We flove them."

"Flove?" Noah whispered.

The blonde looked at Patrick closely and leaned in. "Are you here for the fan club event too?"

Patrick smiled. "Well I could be."

Exasperated, Robin broke in. "Sorry honey, he's here for the neurology conference."

"Oh! Are you a doctor?"

"Why yes, yes I am," Patrick smiled wider and Robin rolled her eyes.

"Hey, can you explain to me how that evil witch Cassandra could have been shot in the head while giving birth and lived?"

"What?"

"Hey, Joka4evah, over here! We're getting in line for the first autograph session!"

"Joka4evah? Is that your name?" Robin asked, confused.

"Oh, it's my message board name. Most of us met on Joka's Wild, the message board dedicated to John and Kate. There's at least 3 different boards dedicated to Joka online. Such a great group of people!"

Robin looked at her t-shirt and saw that it was a picture of a playing card, the Joker card of course, with the word Wild underneath.

"Joka4evah, c'mon! They're only signing for an hour!"

"Oh, gotta go. Maybe we can talk later? I'd love to pick your brain about some real inconsistencies I've seen on the show."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

_"And that is why when you use the protocol that I've described we're finding that the neural pathways that have been disrupted due to a TBI actually repair themselves bringing…." _

Robin stood at the front of crowded half-ballroom that had been set up for her break-out lecture session. She was dressed in a black suit with a white, button-down shirt and looked exactly like the research pathologist/practicing medical doctor that she was. Precise, professional and utterly secure in presenting her work. Her feet, however, hidden behind the podium were shod in high, black strappy shoes that were all Dr. Patrick Drake could think about from his front row seat.

His dad was right; he could charm his way back into her room. He was thinking about slipping his father a twenty and bribing him to get Robin's mother back to his room tonight so that he could lay Robin down on her bed and remove those shoes, then climb up her body and…Patrick shifted in his seat and made sure that his lap was covered with the blank pad with the logo of the conference on top. "Where was I?" he mumbled to himself.

"Did you say something?" his father turned and looked at him.

Patrick shook his head and motioned towards Robin. "Just paying attention."

"Right," Noah drawled and rolled his eyes.

"Isn't she wonderful?" he heard Anna say from the other side of his father.

Something in Patrick's chest gave a twinge and he let out a sigh. Before he could distract himself again with sexual thoughts of Robin there was the sound of clapping. He focused and realized that she was done. He grinned at her and clapped. He saw her lips tighten as he caught his eyes. Uh oh, he thought to himself, she knows I wasn't paying attention.

Over the clapping he heard the sound of doors crashing open and assumed people were rushing out. Following the lead of the crowd he stood, that's when he saw out the corner of his eyes that rather than people heading out, people were coming in.

A group of masked men with very large guns.

Without thinking he leaped forward onto the low rise of the stage and pushed Robin back and behind him.

"What are you…" Robin started to protest, but Patrick turned his back on her to face the gun wielding group.

"Close the doors! Guard them!" the apparent leader of the group called. Four of the group fanned out to each corner of the room where there were exits. "Everyone sit down!" She pointed the gun at the shocked crowd. They all sat down simultaneously in a loud "thump."

Robin clasped onto the back of Patrick's shirt and tried to peer around him to catch her mother's eye. He put his hand behind him, stopping her from moving. She shrugged and decided to get a good look at his ass while she was back there. Purely to keep her mind busy, of course.

"You! Up there. Sit down!" One of the gunmen, also a woman, spun around and pointed the gun at Patrick who put his hands up.

"Do what they're saying," he said over his shoulder to Robin.

"Where?" she asked, peeking around Patrick's lithe body carefully.

"On the edge of the stage. Sit!" Leader Gunman snapped. "Now, where's Ryan Hans? I want him up here now!"

There was silence, except for Patrick helping Robin to sit down on the edge of the stage and then sitting down next to her himself. Patrick held on to Robin's hand.

"Where is he? I don't see that bearded bastard up here, someone's gonna get it!" Gunman 1, standing on the left side of Leader Gunman threatened.

"He doesn't appear to be here," Anna said coolly, looking the masked Leader in the eyes. 

"Where is he? The bathroom? We were assured that the President of XYZ Daytime would be at this breakout session! It was on a web site!"

"Um, I think…" Patrick started to say, but was silenced when Gunman 2 spun and pointed her Uzi at him. He reared back and held his hands up, taking Robin's hand with him and almost knocking her in the head.

"What about Tina Hackley? The so-called 'head writer'?" Gunman 1 made quotation marks in the air around her head, heedless of the gun swinging wildly around her head. "That talentless emasculating hack!" The screech was maniacal and set Patrick's heart pounding even faster. He'd never enjoyed female attention less.

Noah cleared his throat and put his hands up. "Excuse me?"

"What!" Gunman 2 spun around from her leering study of Patrick to look at Noah.

"This is a neurology conference." He shrugged his left shoulder apologetically. "No television executives here; that I know of. Although, they could do with some educating in neurological conditions, that crap they put on their shows…"

"This is the police! We have you surrounded!" A strong male voice announced over the loud speaker. "Let the hostages go and surrender!"

There was a loud grumble from the audience.

"Shit!" Gunman three ripped off her mask revealing dark, just below shoulder length curly hair with shots of caramel colored highlights in them. "Since when do the cops show up that quickly?"

"Maybe they're actors from the XYZ meetings?" Gunman 2 suggest, ripping off her head covering to reveal tawny colored straight hair that flowed half-way down her back.

"What the hell are you doing showing your faces?" the Gunman Leader asked.

"Please, we're already fucked. If I'm going to have my picture taken for my mug shot I don't want hat hair." Gunman 2 shrugged and looked over at Patrick, eying him up and down. "Are you gay?"

He looked affronted. He had been trying to flirt with his eyes.

Robin snickered.

"Write your way out of this one." Gunman Leader sighed and pulled off her head covering revealing long, curly hair and an exotic face. "Damn, fanfic writers. This is all your fault."

"Our fault!" Gunmen 1 and 2 exclaimed and shared a look. "It was your idea to stage a coup and make us head writer! We just hated our day jobs and thought it would be fun."

"I never held a gun before." Gunman 1 stroked her gun and then shot Patrick another look. Then she looked at Robin and her hazel eyes narrowed.

"I was driven to it by the horrid writing on _Too Many Personalities to Live_! It's not my fault!" Gunman Leader yelled.

"I told you to just file a lawsuit. We could have gotten a class action going," Gunman 1 said. "I would have taken the case on contingency and with pleasure."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Gunman Leader jumped up and down and waved the gun around. "I need to think."

"That's the problem right there." Gunman 2 sighed sadly. "That show is written like the women can't think. The heroines are the worst! They're either dumb, faithless whores or..or…have some sort of mental problem and are dumb, faithless whores."

"The men aren't any better. They're so emasculated they might as well wear skirts," Gunman 1 chimed in. "I was in love with the lead actor from that show for twenty years until Hackley got hold of him. Now, I feel like a lesbian when I see his baby blues."

"You're driving me crazy! Stop it! You sit down!" She swung the gun on Anna who was attempting to sneak behind her for a sneak attack. "Go back and sit down next to that hottie. A doctor, huh?" She licked her lips and studied Noah closely. He shifted in his seat and smiled back, glad for the appreciation.

"This is what happens when you tease people with a couple for three years and constantly give it and take it away. That Hans idiot and his hack throw around the word 'organic.' What they mean is they're going to keep giving us shit!" Gunman 1 curled her lips in disgust.

"And the changing of character history. Do these so-called writers even watch the show?" Gunman 2 glared at the doctor sitting on the other side of Anna who was attempting to ogle the petite but lethal government agent.

"We signed online petitions. Sent emails to the head of daytime. Called the comment lines. Nothing worked. Now they'll have to listen to us!" the Gunman Leader cried out. "This is going to work! We'll make it work!"

"Maybe you should let some of the hostages go?" 

Gunman Leader spun around and eyed Robin who had just spoken in a calm, helpful tone. "And why should I listen to you?" Her eyes flit to Patrick and their still joined hands. "What's the deal with you two, anyway?"

"Wouldn't they be perfect for our soap? Did you see the way he jumped in front of her when we burst in? They're hot. I could write for them." Gunman 1 walked over closer, while Gunman 2 kept her guns trained on Noah and Anna. The rest of the doctors were clearly not a threat.

Robin pulled her hand from Patrick's. "I was saying ought to let some hostages go as a sign of goodwill. Or just surrender and throw yourselves on the mercy of the…"

"Mercy! Are you flaming insane? We're carrying Uzi's!"

"She tends to miss the obvious." Patrick rolled his eyes.

Robin ground her teeth together. "Just keep a few of us. Not him." She pointed at Patrick. "He's annoying. But just a few of us so you can manage things easier. Then you can get your message out. They'll listen if you show in good faith you can be negotiated with."

"Besides it's lunchtime," Noah put in.

"So?" Gunman Leader asked.

"Doctors get cranky when they're hungry?" He shrugged. Anna barely bit back a laugh.

"A closed set. Yeah, I like that." Gunman Leader tapped her Uzi. "All right. Let everyone out except, these four. I can use them. Can you write for them?" she looked at Gunman 2.

In the background, the gunman at the side doors let out the scrambling, hungry neurologists. 

"Absolutely. Two generations of hotness. Four doctors…"

"She's not a doctor. You should let her go." Noah put his arm around Anna's shoulders.

"Why the hell are you here then?" Gunman Leader leaned closer to Anna. "What's your motivation?"

"That's my daughter. I came to see her speak."

"Nah. I think there's something else." Gunman 1 tapped her lip and looked between Robin and Anna.

"We never did find out what happened with you two." Gunman 2 pointed her gun at Patrick and Robin.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

"What happened between you two?"

"Nothing, we're just professional…" Robin began.

"I just want to be her boyfriend and she just wanted to use me for my body," Patrick interrupted to chime in.

"Way to tell the people with guns our business." Robin glared at him.

"See, see what I have to deal with." Patrick let out a put upon sigh.

Robin rolled her eyes.

Gunman 2 narrowed her eyes and leaned in to get a closer look at Robin's face. "He did something stupid didn't he? He hurt you." She waved her gun towards Patrick. "Don't tell me he tried to sleep with your mortal enemy." She let out a knowing laughing and shook her head when Robin's eyes widened and her jaw dropped in surprise, confirming her suspicion. "We've seen this before, haven't we?" she said to her compatriots.

"They always do that on soaps - throw in some third party as if the two characters aren't interesting enough on their own. It's the fall-back of weak writers," Gunman 2 explained.

"Most of the time they're not!" Gunman 3 threw in as she returned from her position at the side door where she had let the other doctors out.

"True, true. So did you walk in on them or did that woman tell you she had sex with him?" Gunman Leader asked.

"I didn't sleep with her!" Patrick yelled out.

"Only because I interrupted."

"We had no strings!"

"What is this guy Ross Geller? What, you were on a break?" Gunman 3 rolled her eyes.

"Does he walk around the hospital whining that?" Gunman 2 snickered.

"When's his head shrinker going to put him on medication?" Gunman 1 snorted.

"Hey! I don't see a head shrinker."

"Probably should have a long time ago, son," Noah said. "Then you wouldn't have blown it with the best thing that ever happened to you."

Gunman 4, who had been silent until now pulled off his ski mask to reveal that he was the solo male of the group. A handsome twentysomething man with sandy blonde hair and a chiseled jawline. Robin looked him up and down and he smiled at her.

Patrick clenched his jaw. "He's holding us hostage, Robin."

Gunman 2 crossed over to the leader. "Hey _SoapSpielberg_, maybe we should type up a list of demands and send them out to the police."

"Way to blow my cover _Pugmom_," Soap cried.

"How is calling you by your message board name blowing your cover?" Gunman 1 asked.

"Well, _Athena13_, let me think," she said sarcastically. "Oh I know. Now they can trace us!"

"Too late for that – they've already seen our faces, remember?"

"Fine! Why don't we all introduce ourselves then!"

"OK, my name is _JoKaluvr_ and that hottie over there," Gunman 3 pointed over her shoulder, "is _JokaBoy258_." JokaBoy waved.

"I wasn't being serious Jokaluvr!" Soap yelled. "All right. Let me think for a minute." SoapSpielberg paced around the room, stopping every once in a while to check the levels on a light meter she wore around her neck. At one point she got down on her knees in front of Patrick and Robin, framing them with her hands. "Pretty," she whispered.

Jokaluvr cleared her throat. "Um, Soap? I've got the laptop up and running. We could log on to the boards and get some input on what we should ask for."

"Good idea. Why don't you get the fanfic writers started on that?" Stereo giggling came from the corner of the conference room where Pugmom and Athena were standing, enraptured with whatever the elder Drake was saying. SoapSpielberg sighed. "Pugmom! Why don't you help Jokaluvr with our demands?"

Pugmom looked up when she heard her name. "Oh, I trust Jokaluvr," she waved her hand mindlessly. "I'll stay here and watch over Noah. He seems like he could be a handful." She and Noah laughed.

"You've got to be joking," Anna said.

Pushing Pugmom out of the way Athena flipped her hair. "Oh, I agree, Pug. There really should be two of us watching this one. Jokaluvr can handle the demands."

"Well, ladies, I'm flattered." Noah held out his elbows. "Let's get to know each other better. I'd love to hear more about your writing projects." The girls giggled and walked to an empty table with the doctor.

Patrick sauntered up to Jokaluvr at the computer and leaned against the wall next to her. "So, Jokaluvr is it?"

Staring intently at the screen she nodded her head. "Uh, huh."

Patrick could feel Robin's eyes rolling at him, trained on the back of his head. He smiled and continued. "So, could you show me what you're doing? I'd love to know more about these message boards."

Jokaluvr looked up at him and smiled. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

"What is it with these Drake idiots?" Robin shook her head. "They're a perfect pair."

"A perfect pair of what?" Anna retorted.

Robin stared as Jokaluvr gave Patrick her seat and set him up in front of the computer. She leaned over him, pointing at things on the screen and let her long hair brush against his shoulder. "Whatever." Robin crossed her arms and tried to look anywhere but at Patrick. "He's flirting with our hostage taker. He really can flirt with anyone."

Patrick wasn't concentrating much on what Jokaluvr was saying. He was too busy trying to sneak stealth looks over at Robin to see if she was paying attention. She was.

"I could set you up with a log on name and password."

"I'm sorry, what?" Patrick turned his attention back to the woman next to him.

"For the board. So you can log on any time. Lets see. What name should we give you?"

"How about JokaPig?"

Patrick smiled and loped out of the chair, crossing to Robin. "Jealous, Dr. Scorpio?"

"Of you and the kidnapper? Please. Get over yourself."

"She's not a kidnapper. She's a hostage taker. And there's plenty of me to go around."

Exasperated, Robin shook her head and rolled her eyes. "_Vous êtes un cochon insupportable_."

"Ooooh. That sounds sexy. What did you say?" Patrick leaned in towards her and leered.

"I said you were an insufferable pig."

"Excuse me, do you speak French?" JokaBoy258 approached Robin.

"Robin, don't even think about talking to him. He's a stranger." Robin blinked at Patrick. "With a gun." Robin still stared at him with a blank look on her face, and Patrick let out a loud sigh. "Again, let me remind you he's holding us hostage!"

Robin glared at Patrick and then turned to the gunman, smiling broadly at him. "_Oui, Monsieur._"

The gunman smiled. "_Fais l'amour avec moi._"

"What's he saying?" Patrick asked.

"_Viens dormir, mon amour_," the gunman added.

"I asked you not to talk to him!"

"_Je taime donne moi ton coeur ce soir_,"

"I'm begging you, Robin! Don't talk to strangers!"

Robin looked from JokaBoy258 to Patrick incredulously. She slapped JokaBoy258 hard across his face. "Not if you were the last man on earth!" Patrick laughed. "And you!" She twirled to face him and slapped him across the face. "Ditto!" She stormed off to the other side of the room, the rest of the gunmen watching intently.

"What did I do? I don't even know what he said!" Patrick complained.

"Well, this is not going well," Noah drolled.

"Cut! Cut, cut, cut!" SoapSpielberg walked over to the group. "I loved the dynamic but the blocking was all wrong."

"What are you talking about? This is a private conversation," Robin screamed.

"Shhh. Quiet, talking puppet. I'm the director on this set, you are merely my actors."

"She's gone mad," Athena spoke quietly out of the side of her mouth.

"It was bound to happen. This damn show is enough to drive anyone over the edge," Pugmom responded.

Patrick stepped up to Soap. "You're right. I think we need a rewrite. I mean, there is no motivation for that slap. Perhaps we could try a love scene next?"

"I like the way you think, Doctor Hottie."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

_Patrick stepped up to Soap. "You're right. I think we need a rewrite. I mean, there is no motivation for that slap. Perhaps we could try a love scene next?" _

_"I like the way you think, Doctor Hottie." _

"What the hell are you doing?" Robin pulled on Patrick's shirt sleeve and whispered urgently at him.

"Playing along." Patrick smirked and let himself be dragged backwards by Robin.

"You're not playing along, you're taking advantage of the situation to, to…" Robin broke off, her face red and her eyes bulging. "I am not going to have sex with you under the threat of being shot!" She stamped her foot and turned away as her eyes filled with tears.

Feeling like a heel, Patrick put his hands on Robin's shoulders. He licked his lips and searched for the words. "I'm sorry. I got carried away. And I was tired of being ignored and smacked." He turned her around and slid his hand up her shoulder to cup her cheek. "There's only so many ways I can think of to tell you how much I regret what I did and to ask you to give me a second chance. Clearly, this was the wrong thing."

Robin nibbled on the inside of her lip as she looked into Patrick's eyes. "This is private, Patrick. What's between us, I mean."

"Is there something between us?" His voice was gruff with hope.

"Hasn't there always been?"

"Since the moment you checked out the package in the OR."

Robin rolled her eyes, but bit back her snarky comeback. She reached up and gripped the front of Patrick's shirt and pulled him closer. "Step lightly, Drake. Step lightly."

"If I do, can I kiss you? Because I really, really need to kiss you." He licked his lips and moved his hand to cup the back of her head.

Instead of answering with words she tilted her head back and stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against him. Their moans were simultaneous as they drank the other in after the long drought. Her arms tightened around his neck as he slid his hands up and down her back, pressing her into his body.

"God, I could never have written that." Athena sighed and propped her head on her hands, watching them from around her laptop.

Pugmom grunted, pushed Athena and Jokaluvr aside and began to type frantically. "I can use this, I can use this. My novel is going to kick ass! Wait until LadyJane reads this!"

"Who?" Athena asked, her eyes still glued to the urgently kissing couple.

"About time," Noah said from behind the fanfic writers. His arm was resting lightly around Anna's back, his fingers toying with her waist. Her hand was cupping one globe of his firm ass. They had just been demonstrating something when their attention was diverted by Patrick and Robin.

"No! No! No!" SoapSpielberg put her hands on her hips.

Robin and Patrick sprung apart.

Anna, Noah, Athena, Pugmom and Jokaluvr hissed in disappointment.

"We seriously need to do something about that woman!" Anna said icily.

Athena and Pugmom looked at each other and nodded. Then they both turned to Anna. "What are we going to do?"

* * *

SoapSpielberg waved over JokaBoy. "JokaBoy mark this scene."

JokaBoy rolled his eyes. "Do I have to Soap?"

"Just do it."

He sighed. "Annoah, Scene 1, Take 1." JokaBoy clapped his hands together and ran out of SoapSpielberg's frame.

Soap had her fingers up to frame Noah and Anna. She slowly backed up, never breaking concentration. "And...Action!"

Anna grimaced and said softly so that only Noah could hear, "This is ridiculous."

Noah smiled and grabbed her around the waist. "Yes, that or brilliant." He smiled wider and kissed her passionately.

"Oh God," Robin groaned, hiding her eyes.

"You're lucky. This is the second time I've seen this show," Patrick grumbled.

"Cut! Cut! Do it again. This time the doctor should do it with an Australian accent!"

"A what?" Noah asked and then looked down at Anna. "When are you going to go Kung Fu on her ass?"

"When the blocking is right?"

"Huh?"

"Just do the accent and pull me towards." Anna looked around. "The guy with the video camera."

Robin walked up to SoapSpielberg and tapped her on the shoulder. Soap spun around, startling Robin. "What do you want? I'm in the creative flow!"

"You know you can't do this with real people, it's creepy."

"Listen, little missy, I'm busy here. I don't have time for your lecture on appropriateness."

"She likes to lecture. You'd best make time." Patrick looked at his watch pointedly.

"How about now?" Noah whispered to Anna, jerking his head towards where their kids were distracting their psycho captor.

Anna gave her daughter a look and edged closer.

Robin put her hands on her hips. "It's wrong of you to idealize real people like they are television characters. It strips them of their privacy, their dignity and it's, it's…"

"Creepy," Patrick put in for her.

Soap opened her mouth to object when said mouth was blocked with the flying foot of Anna Devane. Within seconds the hapless "director" was sprawled out on the floor.

"Bop 'til you drop," Noah commented, giving Anna's form a lustful once over, then, at her glare, got down and secured the prone woman's feet.

"Quick, tie her up!" Robin yelled at Patrick as she got down and pulled on the unconscious woman's hands.

"With what? My socks?" Patrick threw his hands up in the air uselessly.

Just then the doors to the ballroom flew open from all sides and uniformed officers ran in, guns drawn.

"Freeze!"

Robin dropped Soaps arms, her head falling to the ground with a thud.

"Looking for a patient?" Patrick snarked, then put his hands up in innocence at Robin's glare.

"We'll take it from here. Does anyone need medical care?"

Patrick, Robin, Noah and Anna all looked at each other. "No, we're fine," Noah said politely, with an Australian accent.

"Wait, wait! I need to take notes of this first!" Athena struggled against the cop who was trying to restrain here.

"Here! I have a pen!" Pugmom called out, even though she couldn't reach it because she was being similarly restrained.

"I'm a lawyer! I know my rights!" Athena called out.

"What right is that? The right to be nuts?" Patrick mumbled under his breath.

"Wait!"

All heads turned at the sound of the booming voice to find it belong to a nondescript middle-aged man wearing a light blue polo shirt with a navy blue sweater vest and navy blue pants of a slightly different shade. He had a paunch, a salt and pepper beard and wore wire-rimmed glasses.

"Does he work for the hotel?" Anna asked in her crisp English voice.

"No! It's the bearded bastard! The leader of evil in our land!" A voice called out as it was pulled by the cops out of the ballroom.

"Oh."

"My."

"God!"

Athena and Pugmom exclaimed as they looked into the face of the man they had traveled thousands of miles to corner.

"You!" they yelled out together.

"Officers, perhaps we can come to some kind of accommodation, I'd like to speak to these young ladies. Perhaps tickets to XYZ's newest reality show offering, 'Swimming with the Stars'? It's filming in Coney Island starting next week."

The cops looked at each other and shrugged before letting Athena and Pugmom go.

"What did you do that for?" Athena asked.

"Seems like your plan may have worked. I'll have to have a memo on that to be sure and call in a focus group, but I was just next door and heard everything. I had an intern print out your…what do you call it…crapfic? And read it quickly while you were waving your guns at these." He turned and looked at the Drake-Devane-Scorpio group watching him avidly. "You sure none of you are actors?" When they all shook their heads and muttered no's Ryan Hans turned back to the fanfic hostage takers.

"This sexy, organic group over there and decided that perhaps I do have places on staff for you. Some of my wife's nephews will have to be let go, but I've just been looking for an excuse. I'll tell her you literally forced me to do it at gun point." He smoothed his beard with the tips of his fingers. "Come. I have a limo outside. Why don't you tell me your ideas."

Anna, Noah, Robin and Patrick silently watched them walk out of the ballroom. Then looked at each other.

"What now?" Noah asked, his own upper crust American accent back.

"Lunch?" Patrick shrugged his shoulders.

Anna and Robin looked at each other and shrugged.

"We'll meet you two in the…how about we go out of the hotel for lunch?" Robin suggested.

"Meet you down the street at Lindy's. I'm dying for some cheese cake," Noah said.

After Anna and Noah walked off, notably holding hands, Robin turned to Patrick. "About what you said, about being my boyfriend. Did you mean it?"

Patrick nodded and took her hand.

"Do you think this will last?" Robin looked up at him, her eyes questioning.

"Of course," he smiled. "We're the new Supercouple. Endgame baby."

THE END


End file.
